I'm Pathetic

I am so sad this morning. Perhaps part of it is because I have pager duty and was called several times last night so my "psychic defenses" are down. I saw Aleks today. He had called me with some news regarding his rental car and I took his mail over to him. We had coffee, chatted... it really started to feel like old times when we would just sit around and talk. The day is sunny and it made me feel like it was the time of year when we would just enjoy being around each other, maybe sitting outside or walking along the beach, just talking. But it had to come to an end. I came upstairs to logon to get some addresses, forgot the on-call pager and bounded back downstairs and for some reason I expected to see him there.

He wasn't.

I started crying. The house suddenly felt empty. He had told me something that happened to him that was upsetting and I just wanted to throw my arms around him and hold him close but I couldn't. That's not my place any more. I know that, but it doesn't make the pain any less real.