SNAFU

What an up-and-down weekend. Aleks invited me to his graduation up in Burbank. I was so happy because I know what it means to him to get his degree and given all that has happened I was honored that he still wanted me to come. So, I buy new pants, new shirt, a new digital camera (beware, this means photos coming), went to bed early Friday night thinking that if I get on the road by 7:30am I can easily be in Burbank by noon (even with LA traffic). So I get up Saturday, well rested, eat breakfast, shower, shave, feed Romeo, and decide to check the address on the invitation just to make sure I know where I am going... and my heart stops. The graduation ceremony is at 9AM. I see this at 7:10am! There is no way I can dress and get up there in less than two hours! I was heart broken. I started crying (yes, I cry). THE major personal accomplishment in his life and I miss it! I called him (still crying) to tell him that I stupidly read the invitation incorrectly (I thought the reception was at 9 and graduation at noon) and that I was so proud of him and happy for him. His reply was interesting and it started me thinking about things. He said "It's probably for the best". Now this can be taken several ways. His parents had come in and generally that is not the most pleasant of times for several reasons and having me there would be another stressor. Then add to the fact that his friends know that we are apart so it would add yet more confusion and even more stress. This wasn't supposed to be how it happens. It was his day, a time to celebrate meeting a fantastic goal. All morning I began thinking about there things. How I really wanted to be there to support him, to wish him well, to thank him for not shutting me out even though I was the one that betrayed him. But who was going to get the most from that? In the final analysis, me. As much as I was telling myself I wanted to do it for him, I was also doing it for myself. And in the end, it probably was better that I wasn't there. But that doesn't mean my wishes and feeling and thoughts for him are any less.