Saturday night I had the pleasure of spending time with Mr. Beau and friends, eating and drinking the evening away. At one point the mass of cells located in my cranium aligned to make me think strange thoughts (well, not so strange for me but it would be strange for many people) about how given the different genders, sexual orientations, ages and backgrounds that it would be a good time to talk about something "deep" (after all, Smurfs seemed to dominate the first part of the dinner). Given the situation I launched into Plato's Symposium. Given that the title itself comes from the Greek and roughly meaning a "drinking party", I introduced the same topic discussed in that work, namely, what is love? I took a little different tact and asked the more concrete question "What do you look for in someone to form a relationship?". While not allowing for such responses as Aristophanes' regarding the feeling of wholeness one finds in that special person they love (one of my favorite pieces in Plato's writings), I admitted that I look for a "Dr. Phil" guy. What I meant was someone who observed many of the "life rules" set forth in one his earlier books Life Strategies. In short the idea is that you have to be realistic in that the world is the way it is. It's not fair, it's not nice, and you have to have your eyes open. You have to take responsibilities for your actions. Each of us create our own experiences. You have to be honest to yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. In short, someone who is real, grounded, honest. I don't want someone who is the way they are because they think that is what I want but they are the way they are simply because that is the way they are. In a relationship I want someone who understands that how they treat me creates their own experience of the relationship. If you ignore me, you can't sit around asking why I don't contact you, you need to start with yourself. If you don't make time for me in your life because you want me in it, then don't be surprised if I don't make time in my life for you. Get the picture? Outside of autoeroticism or narcissism, love and relationships involve more than one person. I think that starting with these traits as the foundation, traits of moral strength and looking at the world in a realistic way, you can be more assured that the person you are with is the person they say they are and that their feelings for you are real, honest, and open. I was lucky, because sitting at the other end of the table was someone who has almost all of these traits and he wants to be with me.
Not as eloquent as Plato, but I think I am more fortunate.
4 comments:
Just a couple of comments.
1. What is there to say about smurfs?
2. You are indeed a lucky man if you found someone who is close to what you want and he also wants to be with you.
3. Don't you think that it is possible for one person to love another who does not reciprocate the love. In other word, relationships are binary, but love doesn't necessarily have to be.
4. We are not entirely in control of our destiny. Outside factors come into play. We can control our responses, but we do not have total control over our lives.
5. Seek and you shall find, eh? I have been seeking a beer with you for a year and I never found it.
You would be amazed to find out what there to say about Smurfs. :-)
I am very fortunate to have found someone strong who wants to be with me. For the first time in my life not everything hinges on me, it's quite liberating in many ways.
There are different types of love. I don't know about being in love with someone who doesn't love you at least in some way, shape, or form. I think we throw around the word "love" too loosely. Lewis' book "The Four Loves" talks about this. Having romantic feelings isn't the same as love (to me) and what I find often is that people say "love" when they mean some sort of "lust". I cannot and will not judge all situations so I suppose the idea of unrequited love can and does exist. I honestly don't know.
I'm not sure I would go as far as you imply in #4. I think, within certain parameters, you CAN control your destiny. Total control, probably not, but I would say that too many people give up almost ALL control and hence responsibility.
Where are you looking? :-)
Where and when should I look?
Send me an email. :-)
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