The past few days has lead me to realize I need to make more serious changes in my life. So far the slow, gentle pace seemed like progress but current events have shown that more drastic measures need to be taken. My relationships need serious evaluation and reordering (or termination). I am tired of being the person who is trying to keep friendships/relationships alive. I am tired of being the one who contacts other people, who does the checking up to see how they are doing, who tries to create the social situation. I'm tired of being the person who is contacted only when there is a problem, tired of being the one who is always asked to help but never have help volunteered when it appears I may need it. I have spent all of my financial, emotion, and sometimes even my bodily resources into seeing that others' needs are met. I'm tired of being overlooked by people who call themselves my friends yet I rarely hear from them unless they want something or there is a problem. I'm tired of being the default choice or final opportunity for something to do. In the immortal words of the great philosopher Mel Brooks (through the voice of Lilly von Shtup):
I'm tired,
tired of playing the game,
ain't it a crying shame?
I'm so tired,
God dammit I'm tired!
I deserve better. If my current circle of "friends" do not agree then I don't need you. Go away and find someone else to torture.
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