Today's episode...

sadness with a touch of anger.

Summer Reading Book Review #1

I just finished my first book in my summer reading list, Yes, You Can Still Retire Comfortably by Ben Stein and Phil DeMuth. I loved this book. Stein and DeMuth inject enough dry humor to make what would normally be a dry reading an actually entertaining AND informative reading (quite a difficult act). One of the most interesting things they did that I had not seen in these types of popular books was their use of Monte Carlo testing of their proposed investing strategies as well as comparing their method to other methods (and pointing out where other methods might be more advantageous). The book is divided into three parts:

1. The coming crisis of the coming "baby boomer" retirement tidal wave.
2. Figuring out how much you REALLY need to save.
3. What you can do if you are behind the eight-ball.

While providing a lot of analysis and custom tailoring options the main points can be boiled down to the following:

Most people are not saving enough and most financial planning people are misusing commonly know statistics NOT to the advantage of those looking at retirement.

While sophisticated investors have some options, the best investment strategy that the relatively uninformed lazy investor is the "couch potato" portfolio: invest half of your money in a broad market index fund and half in an medium-long bond index fund.

Save as much and as long as you can into this fund.

When it comes time to withdraw in retirement, withdraw based on whether the market is overvaluing stocks. If yes, withdraw a larger amount from the stock side. If it isn't, withdraw from the bond side (their Web site provides the indicator for you).

Rebalance every five years.

Now there are a lot of details that I, with my mathematical background, absolutely loved (such as rather basing your withdrawal rate based on a combination of comfort level, probability of outliving your investment, etc). The numbers, statistics, and theories are all there but bundled in such a way that if you don't want to read them you are allowed by the authors to skip them and just hit the "What do I do", but anyone serious about retirement should make the effort to plow through the analysis to get an excellent education about what investment and retirement planning should really consider.

Great work guys! I'm definitely getting your other books!

One word...

Pain.

Effective Therapy

I had what some call a "break through moment" this past week in therapy. I had been wandering all over the map (much to the chagrin of my therapist who kept trying to reign me in to the topic at hand), trying after 44 years of living to make any sense at all of my life. But this week was different (who knows, maybe it is because I am now paying out of pocket), but this time when I walked into my therapist's office I said "I want to know why... why did I betray someone who professed to love me so much?". And that was where it started. I could see it in his eyes, that "FINALLY! He's starting to get it" look. Then we did something really, really useful that I had never done before. We deconstructed all of my long-term relationships up to my last one. He then pulled out all of his notes from our sessions and started reading things I had said before, bringing out touchpoints between my wild, general ramblings and this very concrete experiment. What an eye opener. Each subsequent relationship creating an environment that allowed something inside to get off track and not providing exactly the type of environment that would help me bring it back on track no matter what I "wanted". In essence, some of the problem had been allowed to operate at a subconscious level allowing me to act somewhat split... I had compartmentalized two very important areas of human existence... I have "learned" to separate love from sex. There are other issues and I'll be delving into them as time goes on, but it was quite fascinating to hear someone else piece together a plausible trail and to tell me "If you don't get a handle on this now, assuming you want to, you will eventually repeat this same set of events." Good, now I have something to go on, to actually work with.

Sometimes the concrete is a much better realm than the abstract (sorry Plato).

SNAFU

What an up-and-down weekend. Aleks invited me to his graduation up in Burbank. I was so happy because I know what it means to him to get his degree and given all that has happened I was honored that he still wanted me to come. So, I buy new pants, new shirt, a new digital camera (beware, this means photos coming), went to bed early Friday night thinking that if I get on the road by 7:30am I can easily be in Burbank by noon (even with LA traffic). So I get up Saturday, well rested, eat breakfast, shower, shave, feed Romeo, and decide to check the address on the invitation just to make sure I know where I am going... and my heart stops. The graduation ceremony is at 9AM. I see this at 7:10am! There is no way I can dress and get up there in less than two hours! I was heart broken. I started crying (yes, I cry). THE major personal accomplishment in his life and I miss it! I called him (still crying) to tell him that I stupidly read the invitation incorrectly (I thought the reception was at 9 and graduation at noon) and that I was so proud of him and happy for him. His reply was interesting and it started me thinking about things. He said "It's probably for the best". Now this can be taken several ways. His parents had come in and generally that is not the most pleasant of times for several reasons and having me there would be another stressor. Then add to the fact that his friends know that we are apart so it would add yet more confusion and even more stress. This wasn't supposed to be how it happens. It was his day, a time to celebrate meeting a fantastic goal. All morning I began thinking about there things. How I really wanted to be there to support him, to wish him well, to thank him for not shutting me out even though I was the one that betrayed him. But who was going to get the most from that? In the final analysis, me. As much as I was telling myself I wanted to do it for him, I was also doing it for myself. And in the end, it probably was better that I wasn't there. But that doesn't mean my wishes and feeling and thoughts for him are any less.

Summer Movie Season

Well, Friday starts the annual bombastic summer movie season but for all the big budget movies coming out I am not terribly excited. For all the money thrown at the film industry it seems almost everything is at best a sequel and for the most part we're looking at "three-peats" (at least for those with the biggest budget). Let's see... we have first up "Spiderman 3", "Shrek The Third", then "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Pirates 3), followed by "Ocean's Thirteen" (Ocean's 11 segment 3), "The Bourne Ultimatum" (Bourne Identity 3), and finally "Rush Hour 3". Add to this the sequels ("Hostel: 2", "Evan Almighty", "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer", and "28 Days Later"), "four-peats" ("Live Free or Die Harder"), "Five-peats" ("Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix"), movies based on television shows ("The Simpsons Movie", "Bratz: The Movie", "Underdog", "Mr Bean's Holiday"), reboots of previous movies ("Halloween", "Transformers", "Hairspray"), and there doesn't seem to be much left. Movies I am looking forward to:

"Fay Grim" (May 18)

"La Vie en Rose" (June 8)

"Transformers" (July 4)

"Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix" (July 13)

"Stardust" (August 10)

"The Invasion" (August 17)

Sure, I'll see more... but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Spring/Summer Reading List

Well, it's that time of year when Borders starts putting out books that they recommend for summer reading. Of course, what they put out never looks like what I wind up reading. I've assembled my own reading list for what I hope to have completed by the end of summer. I've broken it down into various categories for unlike most summer reading programs I hope to have my be both enjoyable and applicable to some area of life:

Personal Growth:

Word Power, Fiske

Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife, Kooden

Letting Go Of The Person You Used To Be, Das

You Can Still Retire Comfortably, Stein

The Book of Acts

Professional:

Information Technology Project Management, Schwalbe (for my project management certification)

Microeconomics, McConnell (for my MBA class)

Straight To The Top: Becoming a World-Class CIO, Smith

Pleasure:

The Children of Hurin, Tolkien

The Forever War, Haldeman

Snow Crash, Stephenson

(NOTE: This section seems a little light, but in three weeks I plan on joining a Sci-Fi book club, so I will be reading whatever they select... I'll keep you updated)

So folks, that's my list as it stands. Now to find my glasses!

Leadership the Iacocca Way

I just finished reading Where Have All The Leaders Gone? by Lee Iacocca. Now as most of you know I am working on an MBA which has required a tremendous amount of reading on the idea of leadership. Mr Iacocca's book wouldn't make the cut as one of the school's textbooks but it's a rip-roaring read by a man who has spent his life leading and not just "studying" leadership. Now in all honesty, if you are looking for deep analysis or some type of gimmick (the "seven effectual habits of the four circles at the top of the five level pyramid" types of books prevalent today) you can just skip this one. But if you are looking for passionate talk from a "real man" check it out.

Mr. Iacocca's closing chapter is very impassioned plea for people, everyday people, to take on the role of leaders. Though his main thoughts area about the 2008 election, his three points are worth thinking about in our daily lives. In his call to action Mr Iacocca asks every American voter to do three things:

Give something up

Put something back in

Elect a leader

Let's look at these out of the singular context of politics and apply them to everyday life:

Give something up. Let's face it, most people today are not taught to view things in a "give and take" manner but in a "take, and then take some more" way. We want everything given to us without our having to do without. Don't save for that vacation, put it on your credit card. Don't be content with what you have when you can borrow on your house to buy that H2. But if we are honest, there WILL come a day that you (or your children) will have to pay. Perhaps we as a people would be better off if we experienced a little more "delayed gratification" and a little less "instant gratification". Real leaders know that sometimes you give up the "quick buck" to get more in the future.

Put something back in. Let's expand on the first point and not just "save", but "invest". How about instead of a movie every week we give the price of that ticket to a charity? And do we really need to spend an average of 20 hours a week in front of the television? Suppose we spend only 16 hours a week in front of the tube and donated an afternoon or evening teaching people to read or cleaning up the neighborhood park (or one of a number of things to make our neighborhood/society a little "better")? Real leaders know that putting in even a little can yield much whether it is time or money (or better yet, both).

Elect a leader. Expect things from people, especially those who are in power. Don't just put the guy or gal in who seems nice or dresses nice or speaks well, but have a standard (or better yet, SET ONE YOURSELF)... and don't expect anything less. And when they want to do something, ask questions like "Show us where this has worked." and hold them accountable.

Not bad. Imagine where we would be as a people if we adopted Mr. Iacocca's "simple" three points. I think better off than we are now.

Nurturing My Inner Nerd

Last weekend I got back in touch with my "inner nerd". I attended the 2007 One Ring Celebration (affectionately known as ORC). It was good for me to get out of town for a few days and nurture/pamper myself given all that has recently happened. As expected, I spent most of my time in the academic track attending presentations such as "Why We Should Care About the Children of Hurin" by professor/film critic/author Greg Wright (a fantastic speaker and a great guy... thanks for the book!) and "The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings" by Katrelya Angus (I loved the parallels that she drew between the works as well as the contrasts). Doug Adams did two great presentations about Howard Shore’s music which made me want to run out and buy the CDs. The Friday night concert by The Brobdingnagian Bards was a lot of fun and the mixer Saturday night gave us a surprise by the appearance of Andy Serkis who spent time with everyone in the room.

I shared a room with my friend Sarah (who didn't mind at all that I got up at 5:30am to go to the gym). I came back with some nice things, won two art auctions for LOTR-related art, and spent many hours discussing and debating themes in Tolkien's works, all of which will help firmly reconnect me with my "inner nerd"... I think this is the start of something good.

Why Apologize?

OK, who hasn't read heard or read the statements by Retired Miami Heat guard Tim Hardaway? I've done both and I have to say that Tim really, really, really hates gay people. I mean, how much more blunt does he have to put it:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people...I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

Fair enough, at least he's honest. But what really bugs me is his "apology" during a subsequent phone interview with a sports radio host:

"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."

So what is he sorry for? For speaking his mind when asked about what he thinks (or at least believes)? Does anyone really take his apology seriously? Personally, I think the man is an idiot, but I also think he has the right to speak his opinions. Things like this need to be out in the open. Silent enemies are enemies just the same. I think that I am better off knowing who and where they are.

44

Today I turn 44. Other famous 44's include:

The 44 Magnum

U. S. Route 44

+44

APA Division 44 (interestingly enough, The Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Issues)

Ruthenium

U. S. Title 44

Star Cluster M44

Yahoo

Travels Into Zen: Part One

Change is difficult to take and lately a lot has come my way in the past month. As part of trying to learn about myself I am learning the practice of Zen meditation. For those of you that do not know about it, Zen is simply learning to live now, to be aware of the present rather than worry about the past or to fear the future. It is learning to be able to quiet the constant chatter of the mind, to focus thoughts and attention and not be distracted by the ebb and flow of things you cannot change. What I like about Zen is that it isn't religion and in fact it can be integrated into whatever religious tendencies you have. Saturday I attended my first meditation session at the neighborhood Dharma Center. A few of the things said I let go past me (some of the Buddhist aspects of the teaching) but the Zen aspects were very enlightening. Jenna (the teacher) spoke about learning to be responsible for the things we have control over and gave a good example about driving in our "lovely" San Diego traffic and getting cut off in traffic. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of the jerk who cuts us off in traffic but we can be responsible for how we deal with it. Another section of the talk during the session was dealing with work. What we need be concerned about is just doing the best job we can do and not be so worried about how much the boss likes it. To do this we have to be mindful of our actions, to be aware of what we think and what we do. This is the beginning of Zen. It will be a long, long journey but one that I think will be worth it.

A New Year For Self Discovery

It's amazing how much can change in a short time. One minute it is 2006, the next it is 2007. One minute you're happy, the next your world collapses around you. I have to say that 2007 is starting off as the worse year of this decade. But, as corny as it sounds, rather than seeing problems you should see opportunities to improve yourself. I starting working on some serious problems in my life this year... emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally (God, I sound like a real wreck). One of the books I am reading has me do something that Pookie had been trying to tell me, but with my anti-Oprah mentality I greatly resisted. What was that little nugget of wisdom that might help me? It is this... create a list of things you want. Now this is part of cognative behavior modification, but the idea is the same. In this "course" you create a one year list and a five year list of things you want to accomplish. Not just cream-puff stuff either, but real goals that you have to strive for. Pookie has a life list. I'm not that far yet (shoot, lately seeing tomorrow is a major accomplishment), but putting things within a one and five year framework seems reasonable to me. Why do this? Two things I have recently learned thus far:

I have been drifting through life. I have been fortunate getting this far, but to be perfectly honest I never planned it. Goals help give me some focus. I have tried to hit several areas of living, so hopefully when this period is over I will be a more fulfilled person.

Not only have I drifted through life, but I have not really taken the time to examine this life I have been given. I've taken people and events for granted. This would have greatly injured Socrates who said "The unexamined life is not worth living". Putting down goals helps me to examine my life and where it is going, where I want it to be, and hopefully map out a way to get there.

So, if you are the praying type, please pray for me as well as those around me whom I have hurt due to my thoughtlessness, my inattention to the effects the waves of my own life have on those around me. Hopefully I will have something better to report later.

Disagreeing With Dennis

I like Dennis Prager. He has a radio talk show out of LA that I am fortunate enough to hear in San Diego. He is calm, rational, a passionate conservative, endorses my favorite cigar shop but unfortunately this time, is wrong. To what am I referring? In this morning's San Diego Tribune Mr. Prager has an editorial piece titled "To GOP disaffected: Stay angry, but vote 'smart' and Republican anyway". Now I do not disagree with everything he says, but Mr. Prager creates a false dicotomy in his article by presuming that the only alternative to voting Republican is to vote Democrat. For smaller-government folks like me there are alternatives such as the Libertarian Party, for more socially conservative (yes, believe it or not there are those more conservative than the Republicans), there is the Constitution Party, and even for those who are really contemporary liberal in California I suggest you look at the Peace and Freedom Party or at a national level the Green Party. Now where I agree with Mr. Prager is that disaffected Republicans shouldn't vote Democrat. That would send the WRONG message to the National Republican politicos as well as making Democrats think that people actually support their ideas. Those of us whole fall under the Goldwater/Reagan brand of Republicanism don't and it would be wrong for us to vote Democrat simply to spank those Repulbican politicians in DC. If you are for smaller government, help the Libertarians. If you really are more theocratic, seriously consider parties such as the Constitution Party. As Ryan Sager points out in his excellent book The Elephant in the Room, both branches of the old "fusionism" have been abandoned by the current cabal of "big government conservatives" currently occupying the halls of power. Now granted, if enough of us did switch to third parties this election cycle Democrats would be the ultimate winners, but there HAS to be some way to tell the ruling Republicans that enough is enough and that WE WANT OUR PARTY BACK!

Does He Expect Us To Believe This?

I fear that Christianity has become infected by the liberal virus. What do I mean? Well, it is well known that the liberal elite consider evangelicals to be stupid, weak willed, and easily led. It appears that this same feeling is now among the evangelical elite. Consider the recent shenanigans of evangelist and former president of the NAE (National Association of Evangelicals) Ted Haggard. Now let's face it, people in places of power are mighty tempting targets for their opponents so it is not beyond the pale of belief that someone was "gunning" for him and started spreading stories about his hidden trysts with a gay prostitute. But, if they were not true, simple denial and demand for evidence should suffice. However, me thinks that "Rev" Haggard protests too much in his attempt to follow former President Clinton's "I smoked but didn't inhale" defense. I mean, really, does Ted Haggard actually think that the people who follow his ministry and the the people he associated with as head of the NAE believe that he:

Bought meth because he was curious about it, then threw it away.

Went to visit a male prostitute for a massage and didn't engage in sex.

Of course, what is as embarassing is how the politicos are playing it, chalking it up to some conspiracy because it is close to election time and using it to hurt either (1) the gay-related initiative in Colorado, (2) Rebpulicans in general (they don't need help in doing that, thanks Mr. Foley), and (3) George Bush himself since he calls himself evangelical.

Is this the best we conservatives can do (please note I call my self conservative, NOT Republican as I no longer believe they two are close enough to be properly interchangeable)? Are we really so stupid to believe Haggard's story AND the Republican response? I pray we aren't.

In Case There Was Any Doubt

Well, I just took the famous "World's Smallest Political Quiz" and like everything else in my life I fall on a boundary, but it was not unexpected:

ACCORDING TO YOUR ANSWERS,

You fall exactly on the border of two political philosophies...

CONSERVATIVE

LIBERTARIAN

CONSERVATIVES tend to favor economic freedom, but frequently
support laws to restrict personal behavior that violates "traditional
values." They oppose excessive government control of business,
while endorsing government action to defend morality and the
traditional family structure. Conservatives usually support a strong
military, oppose bureaucracy and high taxes, favor a free-market
economy, and endorse strong law enforcement.

LIBERTARIANS support maximum liberty in both personal
and economic matters. They advocate a much smaller government;
one that is limited to protecting individuals from coercion
and violence. Libertarians tend to embrace individual
responsibility, oppose government bureaucracy and taxes,
promote private charity, tolerate diverse lifestyles, support the
free market, and defend civil liberties.

So now it's official... I'm Superman.

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 85% Green Lantern 75% Spider-Man 75% Iron Man 70% The Flash 60% Supergirl 57% Robin 54% Batman 50% Wonder Woman 47% Hulk 45% Catwoman 40%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

To Whom Much Is Given...

I'm a very upset conservative Republican. So much so that I am casting aside what little protection they provide against the wacko Democrats and am really hoping they get walloped this election cycle. This batch, is a word, sucks. Why do they suck? Simply because they violate something I was taught as a child by very conservative, commonsense oriented parents, that you should live your life according to the very Biblical principle of "To whoever much is given, of him will much be required" (Luke 12:48). Growing up, this principle was also a very Republican principle. In 1994 the Republicans gained control of Congress. This should have brought in a golden age of Republican principles of care, rational compassion, and liberty. But we find out that Washington is stronger than principles. Witness the fact that Republicans fell prey to the same problem that overtook what was once a principled Democrat party, they moved from a party of ideas and principles to a party concerned only with keeping power. SHAME! And no, this isn't just about Foley, but Foley is a symptom of the greater disease. Delay, Abramson, Cunningham, etc. have all showed that there is a cancer in the GOP that needs to be excised. And don't you dare give me the "Well, the Democrats are just as bad if not worse" excuse, that doesn't cut it... my ethics is neither relative nor situational, and why should I have to settle for the lesser of two evils? So, here's to the necessary surgery that hopefully will bring back some discipline and principles, here's to losing!

Washingon and Cajones

I watched the first part of ABC's rather good The Path to 9/11 last night. Unfortunately I have to wait until Saturday to see part two since our local ABC affiliate is showing Charger's football tonight (go figure, I watch a television show for the first time in months and they make me wait almost a week to see the conclusion). A very powerful part of the film, even though it was cut from the original version, was when the United States botched the opportunity to actually get Bin Laden. Due to a lack of testicular fortitude our national security "leaders" refused to give the go-ahead to our people in the field who along with several members of the anti-Taliban Northern Alliance had Osama in their sights. Ahmed Massoud, the later assassinated leader of the Northern Alliance is given the line "Are there any men left in Washington, or are they all cowards?" I have been asking myself this question over the last couple of years. Time and time again those in Washington, and particularly those in my own party of choice (Republican, just in case you haven't figured it out by now), have demonstrated a depressing lack of will or even desire to lead. What matters now is re-election and politicians on both sides of the isle have sold their souls to get get the power that comes with it, but they no longer want the responsiblity that comes with it. Within the Republican party one need simply look at the following statements to see the shift in thinking:

"Government isn't the solution, government is the problem" - Ronald Reagan

"Too often, my party has confused the need for limited government with a disdain for government itself" - George W. Bush.

Government, geeze, I find it had to even use that word because it implies some type of governing which means to exercise authority (which has been abdicated to polls and greed for power) or to exercise control (and as we have seen those in both parties exercise about as much control as drunken sailors on payday), has lost it's backbone. I have come to believe, as does Pat Buchanan, that "... Congress is an institutional coward", they allow the courts and the administration deal with the hot issues that they should deal with all for the sake of enough popularity to get re-elected.

Sadly Mr. Massoud, the answer to your question is "No".

A Lover's Squabble

It's so sad, two institutions that have been "in bed" for oh so many years having a lover's tiff. Who are they? Why, it's the Democrat Party and ABC news. For those of you who didn't know, ABC is set to air a miniseries about the "road to 9/11". While the mainstream democrats who have seen the preview have little bad to say about it, Bill Clinton and his gang are all upset with the focus being on them, which is a natural consequence of having been the governing group in the time leading up to 9/11 (for those of you who have problems with math, GW had been in office less than eight months). ABC has said that it is not a factual documentary but "a dramatization drawn from the official 9/11 commission report, personal interviews and other materials." Given this, Democrat leader Harry Reid said it was "a work of fiction" (duh... ABC publically admits it is not a documentary) and adds his voice to the Clinton chorus demanding that ABC pull the movie.

It's sad to see a lovers' quarrel. It's even more sad to see how Clinton and company think the world still revolves around them.