44

Today I turn 44. Other famous 44's include:

The 44 Magnum

U. S. Route 44

+44

APA Division 44 (interestingly enough, The Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Issues)

Ruthenium

U. S. Title 44

Star Cluster M44

Yahoo

Travels Into Zen: Part One

Change is difficult to take and lately a lot has come my way in the past month. As part of trying to learn about myself I am learning the practice of Zen meditation. For those of you that do not know about it, Zen is simply learning to live now, to be aware of the present rather than worry about the past or to fear the future. It is learning to be able to quiet the constant chatter of the mind, to focus thoughts and attention and not be distracted by the ebb and flow of things you cannot change. What I like about Zen is that it isn't religion and in fact it can be integrated into whatever religious tendencies you have. Saturday I attended my first meditation session at the neighborhood Dharma Center. A few of the things said I let go past me (some of the Buddhist aspects of the teaching) but the Zen aspects were very enlightening. Jenna (the teacher) spoke about learning to be responsible for the things we have control over and gave a good example about driving in our "lovely" San Diego traffic and getting cut off in traffic. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of the jerk who cuts us off in traffic but we can be responsible for how we deal with it. Another section of the talk during the session was dealing with work. What we need be concerned about is just doing the best job we can do and not be so worried about how much the boss likes it. To do this we have to be mindful of our actions, to be aware of what we think and what we do. This is the beginning of Zen. It will be a long, long journey but one that I think will be worth it.

A New Year For Self Discovery

It's amazing how much can change in a short time. One minute it is 2006, the next it is 2007. One minute you're happy, the next your world collapses around you. I have to say that 2007 is starting off as the worse year of this decade. But, as corny as it sounds, rather than seeing problems you should see opportunities to improve yourself. I starting working on some serious problems in my life this year... emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally (God, I sound like a real wreck). One of the books I am reading has me do something that Pookie had been trying to tell me, but with my anti-Oprah mentality I greatly resisted. What was that little nugget of wisdom that might help me? It is this... create a list of things you want. Now this is part of cognative behavior modification, but the idea is the same. In this "course" you create a one year list and a five year list of things you want to accomplish. Not just cream-puff stuff either, but real goals that you have to strive for. Pookie has a life list. I'm not that far yet (shoot, lately seeing tomorrow is a major accomplishment), but putting things within a one and five year framework seems reasonable to me. Why do this? Two things I have recently learned thus far:

I have been drifting through life. I have been fortunate getting this far, but to be perfectly honest I never planned it. Goals help give me some focus. I have tried to hit several areas of living, so hopefully when this period is over I will be a more fulfilled person.

Not only have I drifted through life, but I have not really taken the time to examine this life I have been given. I've taken people and events for granted. This would have greatly injured Socrates who said "The unexamined life is not worth living". Putting down goals helps me to examine my life and where it is going, where I want it to be, and hopefully map out a way to get there.

So, if you are the praying type, please pray for me as well as those around me whom I have hurt due to my thoughtlessness, my inattention to the effects the waves of my own life have on those around me. Hopefully I will have something better to report later.